Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Mare-ism-Installment #9

Who knew that "sitting on the pot" would be the cure-all for all ailments? Yes, you are probably asking yourself, who in the world would ever THINK that? Let me take the guess work out for you....MARE, of course.

Mom, I have a tummy ache.. Big Mare responds: "Sit on the toilet! You probably have to poop."

I'm nervous about my test.. Big Mare responds: "Sit on the toilet. Release your bowels, it might help."

Mom, my legs hurt: Big Mare responds: "It's probably just growing pains. Go sit on the pot, it might help."

I have such a terrible cold... Big Mare responds: "Sit on the toilet. All that snot is going thru ya."

Mom, we have to leave in 10 minutes. Big Mare responds: "Oh....I better go sit on the toilet. If you have to, leave without me." (Hence the reason why we always travel separate to functions.)

Mom, you have to walk me down the aisle, the music started. Big Mare responds: "Oh... I think I need to "go". You are going to have to go by yourself."

Hey Mom, let's go for dinner then shopping. Big Mare responds: "We HAVE to eat AFTER shopping. You know that! I might have "problems" if I eat first."

Mom, I have such bad diarrhea: Big Mare responds: "Take 5 Imodium, it helps stop me up in no time."

I think I'm in labor: Big Mare responds: "

Interesting, huh? I thought so. Yes, Big Mare is the post child for irritable bowel syndrome.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Family Jewels

It is a never ending cup battle around here! I'm not talking about a coffee cup or tea cup but an underwear cup. Is that what it is called anyway? Why? I don't get it. They don't have hard cups for woman to protect their sensitive areas. What about a nose cup? That is sensitive, right? And if you get hit in the nose, you have the chance to have a lop-sided nose the rest of your life. I've never heard of the family jewels getting broke if hit. Have you?

Since I grew up w/ 3 sisters, I'm not that 'skillful' in the usage of it. However, I do my best but I always hear complaints that it is upside down, not far enough down, lop-sided and lost! I have surrendered my cup duty. I'll wash the undies but that is extent of it.

PS: there is no chapter in my 'mom' book that covers cup duty so if you happen to come across something, I would be more than happy to read it. Thanks.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Mare-ism-Installment #8

The time has finally come. I know everyone has been waiting "patient"ly for a new Mare-ism. It is not due to the lack of Mare-isms, just a matter of getting myself to write them. Oh yeah, Big Mare has been in rare form these days. I often wonder what she thinks. I would love to be a fly on the inside of her brain.

For instance, you and I know that most urinary tract infections must be treated by a doctor. We also know that the longer treatment is prolonged, the worse they get. Now, I have had only one in my lifetime and it just made me want to crawl into bed and never come out. Oh, the burning , Oh, the pain.

Big Mare was going on day 3. I stopped by her house to say Hi and she shuffled out of her room, hunched over, in her "Crack-whore" gear. (Definition of "Crack-whore" gear: PJ pants, slippers, hoodie w/ hood on, and a robe over it.) She told me that she had a "horrible bladder infection". Have I mentioned that self diagnosing runs in the family?

After bugging her with phone calls, I finally insisted on taking her to the ER at 9pm on a Tuesday night. I picked her up and she shuffled out the door and into my car. I was itching for a Shamrock Shake so stopped at McDonald's along the way and we indulged. (No one is ever too sick to have shake.) In fact, whenever Big Mare would take us to the doctor when we were kids, no matter what the reason, she would stop at Mickey Dee's for us. So we shared a nice moment.

When we arrived at the hospital, Big Mare gets out of the care and immediately runs her hands thru her hair and declares that she left her purse w/ insurance card at home...of course she did. She did remember, however, to bring a plastic bag of "extras", just in case. We shuffle into the hospital and give all the info needed and were taken to a room. Big Mare puts on a gown and hoists herself onto the bed and complained they forgot to give her an extra sheet to cover up with. So I had to search the ER for something for her. I told her if she remembered her purse, they would have given us one but it costs extra to clean sheets and without proof of insurance, they tend to get stingy in the ER:) LOL...

We really didn't have to wait too long for the doctor to come in. He had to be in his late 30's and was fairly good looking. He asked Big Mare some general questions, when did it start and did she have a temperature. Oh boy did she have a temp:

BM: It had to be at LEAST 103-104 degrees.
DR: Wow, is that what the thermometer said?
BM: No, I don't have one...but I just know that is what it was. I was sooo cold, shivering under my covers, I just know it was that high.
DR: Hmm.. interesting.

At this point, I was just wanted to die. It took everything in my being to hold my chuckles. But what happened next, just made me want to run, just run like the wind. In my wildest dreams, I never thought I would witness such a moment in my life.

Dr: Does that hurt?
BM: No.. lower, she says in a calm even toned voice. (He presses lower.)
Dr: There?
BM: Oh, NO, lower, she says in a louder voice. (He presses lower.)
Dr: How about there?
BM: OH YEAH...OH YEAH... That's it! Right there! Big Mare screams with excitement.

I wanted to die! It sounded like the scene in Harry Met Sally, you know the one where she is in the cafe? I don't know how else to describe it. I felt I was intruding on a romantic moment. Running out of the room was not an option because the damn Hipaa laws require privacy, therefore, the door was closed. No running was out of the question. Cowering in the corner, covering my face was my only option.

Needless to say, we were out of there within the next 20 minutes. Yes, a severe bladder infection. Mare is doing fine and has recovered but the memory is still burned into my brain and I think I might need therapy to get over it.

Wellllll. Helllooooo....Gorgeous!

...That is what Abbey said to me one day as I was in the shower. She flung open the door and made my day! What a good way to start one...

Has it really been that long? I just read back on my blog and love that I can read stories about the kids that I have forgotten. Since it's been a while, I'll update ya... Aidan in now 8, Abbey is 4.5, and Aaron is 2.5.

We have been busy with Baseball for Aidan, including the travel league, dance for Abbey, and Aaron....well, he just has to be watched 24/7. He climbs here, climbs there, trying to be a big boy. He is now 100% potty trained, even at night, most nights. I canNOT say the same for Abbey-D. She still struggles with wetness at night and it probably is just due to small bladder and hard sleeping, like her father. The Urologist said not to worry about it until she is 5, so I am not. Although, I have set a goal for her. If she keeps her pull-up dry, then she will get to go to Build-a-Bear and get the highly coveted Hello Kitty.

Aidan is doing GREAT in school. He was diagnosed with ADHD in October and was put on a small dose of medication. Ever since then, and an awesome teacher, he has excelled. I am so very proud of him. He is a great baseball player, helper at home and such a sweet little boy. He is always hugging me and anyone that comes thru the front door.

Dan and I took a 10 year anniversary vacation in February to Ocho Rios. We stayed at a Sandals Resort and it was the single best vacation we have had in a long time together. We had the best time and drank lots of rum.

A new Mare-ism is in the works. There have been quite a few.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009


I was yelled by Ree Ree that I haven't posted for right now...this is my entry.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Mare-ism Monday---Installment #7

Childhood memories....

Ah the good ole' days. I remember.....

-Riding my bike, at the age of 6, thru the dirt path up to the gas station w/ a note from my mom asking for permission to sell 2 packs of Kent and 2 packs of Parliament cigarettes. It read as such:
To Whom it may concern:
Please sell 2 packs of Kent and 2 packs of Parliament cigarettes to my daughter, Kathleen.
Thank you, Mrs. Ralph Kozanda
And my special treat was to keep the change, which normally, would include a few pieces of penny candy.
-Finding out about your period and "Santa" all in the same day at the mere age of 10. This was actually Ree Ree's experience but nonetheless pretty upsetting, even until this day.

-Having such horrible sun poisoning, at the age of 16, with blisters the size of quarters on your lips. Begging to go to the doctor but instead was told "Put a tea bag on it. It will help the swelling." NOT QUITE...the only thing it did was stain the blisters BLACK for 3 days.
Yep--just another of Mare's own homemade remedies that didn't make much sense.

-Eating pot roast 3 out of the 7 days of the week. Sorry Mare--but it was soooo tough and dry and has ruined me for good. Even the best floss couldn't get it out of our teeth.

-Getting thrown (OK not literially) outside telling us not to come back until lunch time at 7:30 in the morning. We would roam the neighborhood, mooch off the nice neighbors and one of my sisters (who will remain nameless) threw herself into her creative mode making beautiful sand castles in the neighbors sand box. Only to contract some type of worm causing us to all have to take some strange type of medicine.

-Almost calling 911 in the middle of the night cause Mare decided to eat a hostess "Snowball" causing a "cat coughing a hairball up" type incident. You know the tasty treat....white coconut fluffy marshmellowie frosting on the outside and chocolate cake and vanilla cream on the inside. Mmmmmm.... I suppose the creamy inside was calling her name.
Chew and Chew Mare.

-Telling us to "Put your hands up" when you are choking. Oh yeah--that will really help the food come up.

-Doing 4 loads of your own laundry to find $5 float in the dryer--woohoo--Jackpot. Only to hear Mare yell--"That's my money."

I'm sure I could think of a dozen more, as well as my sisters. Sorry to have been delayed in getting this up but my New Years Resolution was to try to cut back on the PC.

Monday, January 5, 2009

Mare-ism Monday---Installment #6

"I had to walk up hill --both ways to school! With no shoes on! In the snow!"

Come on-you know you've heard that one before, right? And you always said, "I'll never say ANYTHING like that to my kids." However, the opposite is true. You hear yourself saying those things like that or "I'll give you something to cry about."

But what if some of the things you were told were umm... a little bit different. Such as the sayings Mare spouted:

"I once knew a kid that...( you get to fill in the blank. Big Mare knew everyone that had a strange ailment or died a strange death such as:)

....died from choking on a superball.

....head blew up from standing on their head too long.

....had bugs in their hair for not brushing it.

....had their teeth rotted out of their mouth for not brushing them.

Yes, they are a bit far fetched but when you are 6--quite believeable.